Never speak bad things, gossip while there is food or drink in front of you
By Janet Karim
43 “No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44 Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. 45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. – Luke 6:43-45
As a young mother, I was fortunate to stumble onto Dr. Dr. James Dobson’s parenting philosophy that emphasizes structured discipline, clear boundaries, and a strong spiritual foundation as the keys to raising children who are confident, responsible, and morally grounded. These are keys that I held onto and even passed on to generations of mothers younger than me. This week my first-born son turned 51 years old; in congratulating him for reaching this milestone, he responded by congratulating me for being a good mother for 51 years! Well, glory to our good Lord that had never occurred to me that as I celebrate my children’s passage of time, I too, am going through the time experience.
However, my son also sent me a small video that resonates with the portion in the Beatitudes of Jesus quoted in the book of Luke. The video by a Muslim sheik advises the hearer to “never say anything bad or gossip about someone in front of a glass of water. He further says do not say anything bad about yourself in front of the glass or food. He concludes that as you drink the water or eat the food, you eat becomes a part of you; you are eating/drinking negative energy into your body.
As the video proceeds, I recalled Dr. Dobson’s words in Raising Positive Children and The Strong-Willed Child. One of the conclusions in the book was that you become heroes to your children. Even as a young mother, I rather liked that: Hero to my children! A far-fetched dream, but I dreamed it, and kept under my arms, guiding the philosophy jealously: thinking, my children (all boys) can have all the heroes they watch in the films/movies, but Big Mama Jay is Hero Number One!
Dobson’s philosophy and even the sheik’s video advice are hard to maintain, but they are well worth the try, well worth the bother. In his book, Dr. Dobson’s quotes on parenting wisdom for raising positive children are, among others, the following:
1. Godly Teaching and Spiritual Priority: Dobson often stresses that leading children to Jesus is the highest priority, framing parenting as a calling to train them “wisely” (Proverbs 22:6).
2. Authoritative, Not Authoritarian: He advocates for being firm and consistent, but also compassionate, modeling the behavior you want your children to emulate.
3. Strong Family Structure: Dobson values a stable, loving home environment with clear roles and expectations, which he believes fosters security and self-esteem.
4. Understanding Child Development: He recognizes that children, even strong-willed ones, have natural drives for independence and self-control, and encourages parents to channel these into positive outcomes. (Copied on August 5, 2026 from https://internet-files.info/textbook-ga-24-2-06/dr-james-dobson-the-strong-willed-child)
The wisdom from these books caused me to be very cautious about what I say to or about my children. I encourage other parents to do the same (being cautious); likewise, I discourage negative words spoken either about my children (big men, but still my children) or about their children. This week I joked with my librarian whose name is Meghan that she is a princess (because of the Duchess of Essex). She then told me of how she calls her son the dark prince. I begged her to stop calling him that. I advised her to call him something positive. It is the same way in our communities past parents would name their child Mabvuto or Tsokalida and other names professing the perilous times parents were going through at the time of the children’s births.
When and if talking about your children, speak positively about them. One of my favorite statements I said about my children was that they were going to be world famous scientists. None of them is a world famous scientist, but they are good, positive people in the communities they live in. I thank God for this because had I not read Dr. Dobson’s books, I may not have stumbled upon the heavily enriching parenting secret of raising positive children, advising other parents (to this day) to speak only positive things about their children.
Moreover, to those interested in watching the video, here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1DfaQx8xiA/?mibextid=wwXIfr.
Happy parenting, and continue creating positive moments at the dining room table or when you are just drinking.
Most, most of all remain a blessing to your children by taking care of what you say to them or about them!
